So, here we are. Those of you who know me well know that I’ve been entertaining the idea of starting a blog for more than a few years. I’ve been encouraged to do so by several friends and family members during that time, including my daughter, but I just haven’t been ready. Since I jumped on the FB wagon in 2009, I’ve used that platform to share my more tame ramblings. Before then, I’d just write when I needed to clear my head and I’d save the documents on my laptop for my own personal use. Often, I need to write – and go back to reflect on those writings – in order to figure out what I think. Is that weird? Who knows. Anyway, I have a ton of material in the vault. Still, the fact remains I’ve felt ill-suited to start bloging because I have a self-editing problem. It’s never good enough. FB? Ok, it all just sort of drowns into a sea of other people’s ramblings. But my own blog? One that people might actually read? No. Because who cares what I have to say anyway?
So, why now? Well, it became clear it was time when I received a very special gift from my daughter for Mother’s Day this year. She’s given me permission to share it here, which is so unlike her, and I’m so glad. You will be too.
On Mother’s Day morning, after finishing breakfast in bed made by my son, my daughter came into our room holding a beautiful box and she closed the door behind her.
Here’s the box:
Here’s what was inside:
And then she handed me a letter:
You see what she did, right? I spent her entire high school career, her whole life really, trying to help her get ready to leave, to open her mind and heart to all of the possibilities before her, to live the life God gave her to the full, to discover and grow her gifts and to share them, to understand our time to do that is limited. I did it with maybe one too many safety talks thrown in, but whatever. And in one beautiful brush stroke she gave the same to me in return. In getting herself ready to leave, she helped prepare me for my firstborn to be out in the world doing her own thing, and she encouraged me to live my own life more richly, despite my tendency to sometimes play it too safe or to get bogged down by viewing things with a glass half-empty or dark lens. She reminded me that my time is limited as well, and that I have wings too. And in so doing, she solidified our bond in her own beautiful way. She’s an amazing kid, that’s not news, but she blew me away this time. Completely.
Here’s the journal which makes the title I chose for my blog self-explanatory:
Before May, I hadn’t kept a handwritten journal in many years, but I promised her. So I’ve kept the journal this summer and I will continue to use it during her first year of college. I’m writing it in letter form to her since she insists she wants to read it when she comes home. Its been a very good exercise so far in trying to get a grip over my self-editing problem. I haven’t torn out any pages. Trust me, that’s huge. And it helps me feel a little closer to her while she’s off doing exactly what she should be doing – living her life – and it’s a constant reminder that I need to focus on living mine too. Because time is limited.
Her gift – inspired by the preparation we both did to say goodbye and to start our respective new adventures – inspired me to start this thing up. Finally. So anyway, not sure where this is gonna go, but welcome to my blog…and thank you for reading.