Self-Portrait

I trimmed my own hair yesterday. Eh, ok, maybe a little more than a trim. It was getting really long for me and it just keeps growing UP and OUT if I don’t do something about it. But thinking about sitting in that chair, in those close quarters, listening to all of that talkingtalkingtalking, pretending that I give a damn, letting my stylist cut my hair while having to pay close enough attention so she doesn’t keep cuttingcuttingcutting until I look like GI Jane, well, it was enough to make my skin crawl, so I said fuck it and just cut it myself.

Risky, I know, because it could have gone big time BAD. And yes, deciding that the risk-taking was the better option is a pretty good indication that I’m not feeling my best, but hey I’m not feeling so bad that I wasn’t motivated to do something about the clown hair, as my boy calls it.

IMG_6893

The cut turned out surprisingly well ENOUGH – although I do need some emergency deep conditioning and some color and hey how about those eyebrows and maybe some new and improved anti-aging cream for those 50-something jowls and neck, but to be fair, I took this photo in the drop-off line at Boy’s school this morning, meaning I was straight up thrift shop material, down jacket over pajamas, slippers, sheet wrinkles, eye boogers and all – and can I get a HIGH FIVE because maybe my attention to detail and OCDish tendencies are actually good for something. And it was free, and solitary, and QUIET.

So yeah, I guess I’m gonna go ahead and call the last few weeks a little dip into depression, maybe a big fat belly flop, I don’t know. Not surprising given the tough time my boy’s been having and the worrying I’ve been doing about it and the shorter, wintry days which always start to mess with my psychology come February and blahBlahBLAH.

But here’s the deal…the two things I’ve learned about depression over the last 30ish years are that its a total fucking liar and it’s temporary.

No matter how well I’m taking care of myself, the sneaky bastard still creeps up on me every single time and when I finally realize what’s going on, I have to back way up and break things way down into SIMPLETON so that I can do what I need to do each day to deal with it. Obviously, I have a dealing system set up by now, even though it always takes me a little while to fully implement it because, you know, DEPRESSION. Yes, its hard and it pisses me off to no end and I know I’m not alone. I’LL NEVER GIVE UP – don’t you either – because it will pass, again and again, just like it always does.

There’s one more thing too…this blogging operation…it helps. Just writing it down – whatever the IT is – soothes my soul. Nowhere near everything I write gets published on my blog because TRUST ME, no one wants that. But I’m writing much more because of the blog and I do keep it all. My point is that it helps and I’m grateful for Girl who saw something in me and pushed me to move beyond my comfort zone a little. A LOT, actually, but whatever.

Thanks for reading, you guys, all 7 of you:)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s