No, I Do Not Want To Build A Snowman

Could it be any colder out there? Well, actually, yes, of course it could, but you know what I mean. A real feel temp of -10 degrees means it’s freaking cold as **** out there. I am so beyond over this winter that a continuous loop of GET ME OUT OF HERE! is playing in my head and it looks kinda like this:

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Because channeling Boy’s energy in an enjoyable and productive manner is way more important than my physical comfort, we spent some time on our front steps yesterday working on a video idea for his YouTube channel. It involved smashing some ice with a hammer, specifically an icebound action figure that had been imprisoned in a Tupperware bowl filled with water and left out to freeze overnight. It was pretty fun actually, but cold as ****. Afterwards, his energy was still bubbling to overflowing and he was UP IN MY FACE all evening which happens sometimes and then the 2 hr delay for this morning was announced and I was not particularly lady-like or motherly in my response to any of it. Sometimes I feel like a horrible mother.

Speaking of horrible mothers, there’s nothing that can make a mother feel like she’s the suckiest mother in the history of all mothers like getting the evil eye from another mother, am I right? The lip bite is pretty bad too. Both of them together could probably knock a poor mother unconscious. This reminds me of when Girl started kindergarten and I was SHOCKED! by all of those BAD BOYS! in her class and I admit I gave my share of the evil eye to their respective mothers because obviously those ladies had some pretty serious deficits in their parenting skills. And then I had a boy. My Boy. Paybacks. Yeah, so anyway, I let him wear shorts to school yesterday and I got some intense evil eye action at pick up. But ever since Boy was born, I’ve been operating under the parenting model called PICK YOUR BATTLES, SUCKERS! and besides, he was wearing knee socks, so just stop it.

I did end up texting Girl to tell her that her brother was driving me out of my mind and also that I was slightly bitter about the whole evil eye thing, which turned into a very entertaining conversation that I’ll save, as I do all of our others, and I’ll pull it up to read now and then when I need a little boost. I also got the added pleasure of hearing about the way she is continuing to SOAK UP AND LIVE HER LIFE which is so thrilling it nearly makes me weep lately. Maybe I should periodically publish carefully selected portions of some of our text conversations, in the context of blog posts, you know, because there are some doozies. And she DID inspire me to start this whole blogging thing up, remember? I’ll talk to her about it. And BTW, where do I draw the line on what and how much to share, especially when it comes to my kids? I’m still trying to figure that out.

I do know that I don’t want to become a blogger who exploits her real life for page views or feels pressured to one-up herself or others just to keep readers. And I don’t want to stumble down the path that seems to swallow up so many bloggers lately – selling out to sponsors, developing a Messiah complex, stuff like that. Being human, I think I understand how it happens, but still, PLEASE promise me you’ll pull the damn plug and put me out of my misery if things get too weird. And yes, as a matter of fact, I’m currently working on a post about that very topic because a GROUP of bloggers I read regularly are together right now on what looks to me like a poverty tourism trip hosted by an organization that empowers women in developing countries, and also possibly seeks to convert them to Christianity. Not sure. Its a form of marketing I guess, paying for bloggers’ expenses to visit the developing countries and programs, and then counting on the bloggers to bring attention and financial contributions to the organization. I’m all for empowering women but something about this bothers the hell out of me. I’m not exactly sure why yet, but it does, it just feels so YUCK. I know, I’m so articulate. Amazing. And yes, THIS from a woman whose own daughter has been on multiple mission trips, my view of which has also changed drastically over the last couple of years. It’s just that before money is spent sending white, privileged women with cameras over to impoverished countries, I think there better be skill sets involved that aren’t available locally and/or that justify the cost. And I’m not trying to unfairly criticize these bloggers – their writing talent remains without question – it’s just that the reason I usually follow a blogger is because I want to keep reading HER unfolding story and it seems more and more that HER voice gets lost somehow in the monetizing and marketing and celebrity. It makes me sad. And on some level I find myself starting to question her integrity or something. I don’t know. Anyway, whether I’ll ever finish the post is anyone’s guess because of my ongoing editing problem. Nevertheless, I’m quite happy with my writing hobby and my little rookie blog and all 7 of my readers who pick it up from my FB page because it’s the first thing in a long time that I’m doing just for ME. I simply want to write about stuff that matters to me. And/or makes me laugh. And I’ll decide what that is. And what I do with it. And as Emily Dickinson once said, I’ll “tell it slant.” These are just my own little stories and experiences and observations with my own little twist.  If you like it here, if it helps you somehow, I’m glad. But I’m an idiot just like the rest of the human race, so don’t expect too much from me.

But anyway, another annoying thing about this cold as **** situation is that I can’t get warm inside either. Must be the two story foyer and family room. Looks nice and there’s lots of light and I can finally breatheeee but I don’t recommend it to the extent we have it because it’s hard to keep warm and it’s noisy as all hell. It’s a freaking echo chamber in here sometimes. Literal boys bouncing off walls. I’m not kidding. Or maybe it’s that I’m being cheap with the thermostat. I’m so proud of our energy analysis that just came in the mail. We’re freezing our ***** off way more than anyone in our neighborhood. Booyah. Either way, I swear I haven’t taken off my coat in days and I ended up like this during Boy’s bedtime routine last night which he found ridiculous and hilarious. And then he stopped laughing and read a book:

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And hey what about that coat? Best $60 I’ve spent in a long time. I wasn’t looking for it, but I spotted it while shopping at Costco, tried it on and it was done. It’s the heaviest, puffiest, warmest coat I’ve ever had. You know there are no mirrors at Costco, so it didn’t become apparent to me that the coat is so huge that it’s not terribly flattering until I got home. But I DON’T CARE. It’s awesome and I wish I could buy one for everyone in the whole wide world.

At some point last night, my husband said something to me about letting a faucet drip to prevent a frozen pipe calamity and it triggered my intense ruminating and researching issues. You don’t just say stuff like that to me and walk away. Especially at night. Sheesh. So anyway. Internets blahblahblah. Following water pipes through the house, behind walls blahblahblah. Figuring out the best course of preventive action blahblahblah because do it right or you deserve what you get.

Then I decided to take a hot bath and there wasn’t enough hot water in the universe to keep me warm in that tub which makes me sound like a privileged ******, I know. I didn’t give up, though, and I kept letting water out and refilling until all the hot water in the house was gone so I guess I AM one, about which I’m feeling pretty ashamed this morning. But to be fair, if those freaking hot flashes had stayed around maybe I wouldn’t have resorted to THIS.

On the other hand, I’ve been worrying about people on the streets without shelter or proper outerwear or cars and I know I need to do something more about it but I don’t know what exactly. I never do, because it’s never enough which makes me so sad. In the last few weeks, I’ve randomly picked up several people walking in the cold as **** weather and offered to drive them where they needed to go. Most accepted the offer, a couple didn’t and I don’t blame them because let’s face it there’s a bunch of wicked people out there and you can’t tell who they are just by looking at them. And I admit I’ve picked up only women – both with and without kids – because I’ve been alone. The safety thing is big with me even though I kind of feel guilty about it, but I try to kick that guilt crap off my heels as quickly as possible because I’m not stupid. One time Boy was with me when we picked up a lady and I was late getting him to school by about 10 minutes. He told the office why we were late but they gave him a tardy slip anyway. Whatever.

Husband is working from home today so our perpetual weekend continuesssss which means I’ll do a few things around here but I’ll go out in this cold as **** weather to run some of the errands I’ve been putting off because it’s cold as **** and I’ll waddle around like a Yeti or Sasquatch or something in my gigantic $60 Costco coat.

The end.

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